Dear Garden, please forgive me

I thought I would write you this letter to apologise for everything I have done to you. I have neglected you, I have cheated on you, I have put everyone else's needs before your own. I have even let your greatest enemies invade your own house.

To my garden, I am sorry, please forgive me.

I can't excuse my terrible behaviour, my reasons are weak. You stay out in the cold all of the time, yet I can't find the courage to venture out for a few minutes in order to take care of you.

Beetroots and Carrots I'm sorry, I have let you live in an overcrowded situation. I neglected to weed out the weaklings and let the strong thrive. Alas I have fixed that situation now and I hope you find your housing situation adequate .

Onions where the hell have you come from, I didn't invite you. Yes you were staying with us last year but I sent you packing and DID NOT INVITE YOU BACK. I think it is inappropriate for you to leave your children with us without asking for them to stay. Alas I have evicted the children, if you are looking for them they are now playing in the compost play pen.

I also have to apologise to you again Mr Carrot. I have cheated on you and not only the once. Due to your "Thinning out" issue not putting on the muscle I like, I had to go elsewhere. I have shopped around and I hate to admit it but I have paid for it more than once. On other occasions I picked up some for free. I am sorry and the fact that you are taking your time building muscle doesn't mean I should go elsewhere but what is a carrot lover supposed to do.

I am also sorry for spending more time on the "inside vegetables" I know I shouldn't but their crib is just so much more comfortable. I find myself hanging out there just for the fun of it, talking to tomato, pepper and lettuce. I will try and share my time my equally and not discriminate on location, as that is just inappropriate.

As to letting your enemies stay with you, I cannot apologise more to you. I could have prevented the invasion, but I just ignored them. Chinese cabbage I can see that the bugs are just eating you up. I will try my best to get the exterminator in to get rid of those. If I could figure out who was staying it would be even easier, although I do have a sneaky suspicion that it is nasty Mr Grass Grub.

As to the overgrown "weeds" they have no right to stay, I sent them an eviction notice this morning, please let me know if they pop back in. Grass is supposed to be living on the lawn, but he seems to have moved out of their due to lack of food and moved right into your little nutritious house.

So all in all I am sorry garden, I didn't mean to take you for granted. I know that without love and care from me you find it hard to survive. If I want to get anything out of our relationship I know I have to put something in. I will try my best to change and take better care of you.


With Love

Your Absent Gardener

Comments

  1. ReneeJuly 5, 2010 at 5:48 PM

    Lol. We have grass grub promlems here, too....aren't they just foul??!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tracy007July 5, 2010 at 5:56 PM

    ewwww with their little fangs and when you squish them they squirt out green goop. Iky I can't stand worms so you can just imagine me with teh ugly grass grubs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A Life Less ComplicatedJuly 6, 2010 at 2:12 AM

    pmsl laughing - such a good read! My garden has well and truly drowned :( Only the rosemary survived

    ReplyDelete

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